Delivering a Message

She glances at her watch

Furrows her eyebrows in tension

Takes a look around her workplace

Lets out a deep sigh and grabs her car keys

As she pulls out of the parking lot

Her fingers drum over the steering wheel persistently

Her hands tremble slightly

She inhales deeply

She parks her car in front of the mosque

Worrying her bottom lip

A thought crosses her mind

Maybe I should just stay in the car

Shaking her head quickly

Mustering up some courage

She wounds a scarf around her head

Observes her reflection in the rearview mirror

As she steps out of her car, every step feels heavy

Weighing her down

As if attempting to convince her

Don’t go

Another firm shake of her head

She enters the mosque

Keeping her eyes lowered

So as not to catch anyone’s gaze

Setting her shoes in the rack

She heads into the bathroom

Women are scattered about

Her heartbeat rises

Try as she may

She cannot ignore some pairs of eyes

That sear into the side of her head

Or trail down to her clothes

After performing wudu

She rushes out quickly

Nearly tripping over herself

In her haste up the stairs

The congregation for prayer will begin in five minutes

She tries not to let the thought of these five minutes

Haunt her as she takes a seat

At the far back of the prayer area

Eyes lowered

She pulls out her phone

Looks up dhikr

And begins to recite quietly

A minute later

As her eyes rove around the room absentmindedly

A woman gazes at her

Glancing up and down repeatedly

Her eyes travel over the girl’s scarf

Then down to the glowing screen in her hands

On to the jeans she had quickly thrown on

This morning in a haste to go to work

She shifts uncomfortably under the woman’s gaze

Takes deep breaths

Her pulse speeds up

As the woman approaches her

After a quiet Salaam

The woman points at her clothes

Makes a remark

About prayer not being accepted in this condition

A dreadful feeling

Traipses around the girl’s heart

Tears that had been pending pool in her eyes

She blinks harshly

The girl looks down at herself uncomfortably

Shifting under the woman’s scrutinizing stare

Aware of the message she is trying to convey

But suffocated by the delivery of it

The call to prayer begins

The girl thanks her Lord silently

Rapidly blinking back tears and repeating the mantra in her head

God is merciful; humans are not

When the prayer ends

She grabs her things

Almost hurtling down the stairs

As she runs out to her car

Hastily, she wipes a tear away

Starts her car

Pulls out of the parking lot

And begins to drive away from the mosque

A single thought occupies her head

Next time, I’ll pray at work

Because even though God is merciful and humans are not

This constant degradation she cannot suffer

Her struggles continuously go unrecognized

Her pleas to her Lord in the dead of night

Mean nothing to those

Who see only the piece of hair sticking out of her hijab

Ironically, the ones who should be welcoming her in

In a hospitable and compassionate manner

Are pushing her farther away

Her disgust grows as she drives away

Little does she know

The One watching above

Cherishes all of her tiny and all of her major efforts

And it is His kingdom; truly He is the only Judge

By Kainat Azhar