Where do I Belong?

What is home? Recently I have been thinking about the concept of “Home” and what it means. Is it where we eat, sleep and live? Or is it where we work? Is there a fixed home for everyone or does every person have their own place where they call home? I realized that a home can be somewhere where you feel happy, warm or safe; somewhere where you are successful or famous. It can be a person, a memory, a moment or even a drink or food. “Home” is a very broad term that everyone defines differently. But the question now became: Where is my home?

I always thought that home is where I lived. I go to school and come back to find my mom’s delicious food waiting for me and her warm hug as I eat and tell her about my day. I thought home was the building me and my grandparents lived in but as I grew older this concept changed as I realized home was where my grandparents were, with their smiles and hugs and how they used to spoil me.

“Home is where you belong and feel safe.”

I traveled with my family 4 years ago to a new country, a new language, and a new lifestyle. The transition was hard and I hated every moment of it at first. I kept counting the days until our first vacation back “home”, and after a couple of years, that first vacation happened.

“We are going back home,” I thought to myself excitedly, thinking everything will go back to how it was. The moment I stepped into our house I was so excited to be back “home” and have my old life back. What I didn’t realize was that I don’t belong there anymore.

In the time I was gone, a lot of things changed: my friends were talking about things I wasn’t a part of, talking about new shows that I don’t know, and meeting people I never met before. I was a little uncomfortable at first; I thought I was displaced but later I understood. I wasn’t displaced; instead, life has to go on. And that “home” didn’t feel like home anymore.

Our house changed, the warm, big bed that I used to sleep in is not as warm or big as I used to think. The places I used to have fun in are not as fun anymore, the food I used to enjoy the most is not as delicious now. Everything was changing. And so was I.

I thought that going back to my old house would give me the serenity I was waiting for but it didn’t. So, what is “home”? Where do I belong?

I traveled back to the new country, not so new now, as the sound of “Building 429” echoes in my head. “All I know is I’m not home yet. This is not where I belong. Yes, I know I’m not home yet!”

After a long journey of looking into the concept of “ home” and “ belonging” I came to a realization. Home is where I can feel safe, loved, accepted and where I can be myself. I understood that it’s not one place, it’s everywhere I feel those feelings. I experienced the meaning of home in people, moments and other random situations that I never expected.

For me, home is not something you look for, it’s where and when you feel serenity in your soul, warmth in your heart, and happiness on your face.

By Maram Farag, Class of 2020